Maybe I'll go Dressed as a Lay Person This Halloween...

Well, it's that time of year again when the lot of humanity decides to make fun of the sisters by dressing up as a nun for Halloween.  Oh  I can hear the exclamations of your friends now,
"Oh! You're a Nun!  How funny!!"  "You're a pregnant nun!"  "I love your S&M Nun costume!"  The list goes on.   Why even dogs and children are morphed into nuns for Hallow's Eve.

This year instead of posting the latest and lamest in the Nun Costume Category,  I decided to post a few scary Nun-related items.   Their titles alone are enough to make some of us stay cloistered.

Stay safe and sane and don't take candy from strangers!

Cheers,
A Nun

Song of Bernadette actress Jennifer Jones ... R.I.P

Nominated for an Oscar five times and won it for her portrayal of "a saintly nun" in Song of Bernadette.

We Give Thanks, Because We're Nuns.

"'Aging with Grace: What the Nun Study Teaches Us About Leading Longer, Healthier and More Meaningful Lives,' by David Snowdon shows the power attitudes have in the life of each individual. A group of nuns, ranging in age from 75 to 104, allowed themselves to undergo testing. The nuns with a positive perspective experienced a longer and more content life." -- (excerpted from the article "The Importance of Gratitude" from The Huntsville Item).

Well our order is no exception. We were very thankful that Sister Fry Cook was able to whip up a great Thanksgiiving dinner, sans turkey. Yes, I said, without the bird. We had one all ready to go, but it looked at us, we looked at it and well, let's say that idea flew the coop. So, we have one new member to our flock, who has gone from being simply referred to as "the turkey" to Sister Many Feathers. She's a lovely bird and we feel much prettier alive.

We did have many wonderful side dishes and took a "stab" at tofurkey. Not bad actually. And since we did away with a real turkey, and not being ones to suffer too much, we delved into more of the "spirits," shall we say. It seemed the much more holier way to go, if I do say so myself. Nectar of the gods, indeed!

This Year's Nun Costumes...or What Nuns Dress Up As For Halloween

This year is certainly ripe with controversy over the lot of you and your fetish for not just nun costumes, but pregnant nun costumes. A certain, shall we say, overweight mom who was in the news earlier this year has also stirred up the pot donning a pregnant nun costume and dressing her "many" children as devils (see link).

Also in the news is Spencer's Gifts under the headline of "...markets vulgar Catholic Halloween costumes." One of their top sellers is the "Priest with an Erection" and "Pregnant Nun" costume, often sold as a pair. Well, I suppose in "layman" terms it makes sense.

So, this brings to mind what many of you ask, when, of course, you're not bothering us about doomsday predictions - what do nuns dress up as for Halloween? Well, here at Worldwide Nun Central we have been busy all week sewing away and finally caught a smoke break from the Singers'. Yes, we do wear costumes. Some sisters prefer to don a halo over their habit, which is a mere headpiece. Sister Fry Cook is dressing up as Emeril (don't ask). Mother Superior is dressing up as Friar Tuck. This required a bald rubber head piece (again, don't ask). Two of the sisters who are as thick as thieves dressed up as Cagney & Lacey. Hmm. And then there's always the very easy costume of donning a beak to look like a Penguin. One of our retro favorites is to dress up like The Penguin from the old Batman TV series. Or a couple of cut out milk cartons do well in making the wings on top of our habit heads to look like the Flying Nun. Films are a good source of inspiration. As you'll see from one of the photos I have here, Sister Smiles Too Much watched Wizard of Oz and got a couple of schoolchildren to dress up as elves. And as we're American nuns, sometimes it's just easier to dress up as a group of Trappist Brewery Nuns, such as you would find in Germany. So, this requires a trip to our local liquor store to order a keg of beer. (Mind you we tell them it's for charity, so we get a good rate on the tap.) After a few slogs of the brew we pretty much have convinced ourselves that we indeed brewed it ourselves. And then inevitably one of the sisters who has decided to be the Flying Nun makes an attempt at becoming airborne off the backyard picnic table.

So, enough for now, as I do have to return to the Singer sewing machine to finish my Freddie Krueger costume. Until next time, stay safe and I'd like to say don't take candy from strangers, but then that would ruin the whole holiday wouldn't it?

Mayans Insist the World Won't End in 2012.

As a nun we are often stopped in the street, at church during vespers, in the grocery store or receive phone calls at the convent, emails and letters from those worried about the various doomsday predictions. Lord knows how many we've had to endure. How would you like it if when Sister Fry Cook has just prepared her delicious souffle and we're about to dip our forks into it, but the phone rings or someone bangs on the door, wanting reassurance that we're not all going to float away (read: die) because of some Nostradamus prediction. (What was up with that guy? I assume his wife probably wasn't a very good cook and he got gas or heartburn a considerable amount of time, so took to his desk to predict many disasters, as he no doubt probably wished he'd just die already.)

That said, the latest prediction is the Mayan calendar running out on 12/12/2012, which has spawned numerous websites and a now, of course, a movie. (And how scary can it be, truly, if John Cusack's the star?) The Mayans have finally spoken out, that it is not the end of the world and they're more concerned with getting some rain soon (and don't bother them about that being a sign - just bring them some water).

So, as the cartoon shows, and I have long said, the reason their calendar runs out on said doomsday date is they probably ... just got tired of counting.

Now, if we can just have one dinner where we reach dessert, in peace...please.

Shroud of Turin or Jesus dish towel?

Well, in an attempt to prove that the blessed Shroud of Turin is no more real than our convent's Jesus dish towels, an Italian scientist claims to have recreated the said dish rag, using the same material available back in them Biblical times.

Next thing you know they'll claim that our Last Supper Lunchboxes were not made in the good ole US of A, but in China by Buddhist monks.

It isn't everyday your founder will be CANONIZED by THE POPE

This just in:
San Pedro Nuns Celebrate a Saint
"Their order's founder will be canonized at the Vatican next week. Thanks to their fundraising a local contingent will be there.
Organizing a country western hoedown was a first for the nuns. So were the carne asada sale and trips to the casino." -- Los Angeles Times (10/04/09)

Hi ho Sisters!

Nun Joke of the Week

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached across the counter and grabbed a bag of pretzel sticks and placed it with the beer, saying, "The curlers are on me."

A Nun's Work is Never Done, But She Does Vacation in the Summer

Well I've been flying around to other, 'er blogging type communities, and as well as Rome, our favorite Trappist breweries, and thought I'd share a picture from my vacation.

Jesus has risen... and he's coming to get you!

Well, and I myself, a nun, am back from the dead so-to-speak after attending my Easter observances over in La Roma.

All my travels will be detailed in the next entry, but until then, what with the DaVinci Code going forth as a movie, the constant shenanigans on Capitol Hill, our own VP's random version of a drive-by shooting, and just Soddom & Gommorah in general, you bet ole JC is up and looking for you!

Boxing Nun Puppet Incites Rioting by Local Nuns

Associated Catholic Newswire: Angry protests over the sale of the popular "Boxing Nun" puppet at local area "joke" shops in Los Angeles, have incited non-stop rioting by local nuns. In Hollywood, dozens of nuns marched through parts of the city looting, carrying tiki torches and signs declaring, "Rap the Knuckles of the One Who Makes Fun of the Nun!" and "Nuns are Sisters of God, Not Fighters!" and "Wacko's Making Money off of Free Speech Rights!"

In Pennsylvania, long known as the largest "nun state," burning effigies of the Boxing Nun were erected as various orders, including the sequested Carmelites, even ventured out on the streets after dark to protest.

In Europe, maintaining a more peaceful stance, several nun orders held candlelight vigils while Trappist monks served free beer in an effort to maintain calm, among the more older, unruly sisters. One nun cried out, "See! We drink beer! We're not all bad!" Skinhead punks holding nun puppets and wearing Charlie Don't Surf and Jews for Jesus shirts, surrounded the nuns and taunted, "take a puppet and fight back!"

In Hollywood a local joke shop owner released the statement, "The Boxing Nun has long been one of our biggest sellers. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about as we also having a Boxing Rabbi and a Boxing Satan. So, we certainly don't have anything against anyone, and besides, the Boxing Nun is funny. "

Additional reporting by: Sister Q in Britian.

Dominque a Nicque a Ni... The Singing Nun...

Well I'm sure this fine singing sister had no idea the many outlets her music would take when she first "cut tracks" for her vinyl album (look it up in the encyclopedia kiddies) that yielded a Number 1 Hit on the charts in 1963 keeping, the rock song, "Louie, Louie" from reaching that coveted position. Now available on CD and the ultimate tribute, you can listen to her while at work as she streams on the World Wide Web at... http://musicsojourn.com/AR/oldies/page/s/SingingNun.htm

This singing Belgian nun was also known as Soeur Sourire ("Sister Smile") and resided at a Dominican convent when she hit it big. Certainly a forward thinker and a product of the free-wheelin' '60s this rebellious nun of the '60s wrote a song praising God for the invention of The Pill. Saints preserve us! Sadly, this gal we could have used around today, decided to take the shortcut to heaven when this rock and roll stage we call "earth" proved too much for her when the Belgian government came a' knockin' for back taxes from unpaid royalties. Like a good nun, Sister Smile had donated those royalties to her convent.

See the sanitized version of her life as portrayed by Debbie Reynolds.

Oprah on Letterman! See... World Peace is Possible?

Well what a time we are living in. Saddam is captured whilst living in a hole, then gives us entertainment during his courtroom appearances where he admonishes the judge, Osama a man in a WHITE robe in a GRAY/BROWN desert...can't be found, Californians figure out that 'hey maybe hiring an actor to be the Governor wasn't such a good idea,' ole Grandad, Papi passes away and we get an even more...conservative Pope, Nuns are subjects of mystery novels, hold up film shoots and announce The DaVince Code "blasphemous," Trappist monks have breweries... where was I? And yes, 16 years after her last appearance on Letterman, Oprah last night in full regalia with a sort of-gushing Dave sits down in the guest chair! And apparently from the picture above they seemed to have made up and made out after the show!

Uma, Oprah, Uma, Osama, Saddam, Uma, Oprah... as Oprah said, "will you tell me what the feud was about?" (or something to that effect) asking the question of the decade that gee, was sure on my mind every night. That and "what is Katie Holmes thinking??"

And... on the "television event of the decade," Oprah shared her story that when she was a little girl one Christmas they were so poor her mother said that Santa Claus wouldn't make it to their house that year. However.... two nuns showed up with a gift basket and food on Christmas Eve! So, see all is well and there is a happy ending at least in a parallel universe, that is on TV land...

http://www.makestickers.com/letterman.asp - for more Oprah/Dave fun

Well There Goes the Neighborbood

Ye ole grandad, The Pope, said that gays were not allowed to be priests, not saying if he was going to give the boot to those who are that are currently serving. Or... they can't be priests if they have been sexually active as a gay man in the last six months? Hmm, are lie detector tests around the corner?

Well dearies, there go the once full rectories with many having their trajectories paved for them.

In the Spirit of the Holiday -- The Thanksgiving Day Murder...

Well, as I get ready for the Thanksgiving holiday around the convent, cleaning up around the dining area, peeling potatoes, shopping, oh forever shopping for enough to feed a small convent and a local rectory, I came across this mystery novel, "The Thanksgiving Murder: A Christine Bennett Mystery." Why you ask? Well, yes on Thanksgiving we certainly "murder" enough things to put on ye ole dinner plate, but that wasn't the reason for this tantalizing selection.

As it turns out the main character of the book, detective Christine Bennett Brooks is a policeman's wife and... a former nun!

Adding her to the honorary list of nun sleuths out there chasing murderers and no doubt lousing up a few crime scenes worthy of a retrial once it goes to court.

Which just goes to show that this detective-former-nun-sleuth obviously is planning on going out to eat as it begs the question... where on earth this week did she find the time to chase after a Thanksgiving murder?

For this tantalizing story and to revisit the Thanksgiving Masacree, ala Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant," see... where else? Ye ole' Amazon.com

Vows - A Priest, A Nun & Their Son!

At last I know I have a chance! Hmm, wonder if there's a party at the rectory tonight?

12 Angry Men and A Nun?

I think not! If you were on trial would you want a nun on your jury? Sure, it could go either way - you could get an old nun who nods off a lot, a battle ax nun who would see the word "sinner" emblazoned on your forehead no matter what you do, or a sweet nun that is loving, good and kind and... "can be a fair and impartial juror."

Yes this nun was finally snagged for jury duty after years of being, and still, under the duress of extreme financial hardship. Unfortunately that "excuse," ahem as they call it, is no longer allowed. Hence leaving a lot of jury duty notices found in the trash bins. But being a Catholic nun you are automatically born with a guilty conscience and more importantly afraid of getting the cuffs slapped on you and having to go downtown to a facility where several nuns in waiting are residing, if you catch my drift.

While they have relaxed the jury selection system and you only serve for one trial whereas before in this county they'd cart you around for ten days (at then $5.00 a day)... it is still a system of "the luck of the draw" - where you sit and wait and hope NOT to be called. First you are greeted by a courthouse employee in the jury waiting room who asks, as if a carnival barker, "okay if you have your pink form, yes your pink form, that's right your pink form, did you need me to say it again?, your pink form, if everyone has their pink form..." Ad infinitum and ad nauseum! After the rigmarole of the Pink form, the Green form, fill this out, did you want to postpone your service, any questions and various other "greetings" such as a retired judge who welcomes you and thanks you for wanting to do your "civic duty," while there's a bubble over your head that says, "I thought I'd get arrested if I didn't come down!" .... Then 12 names are called out and assigned to a courtroom. One lucky group came back just as they had entered and was told the case was tossed out! So off they went, not to be bothered another year for jury service.

They do show a video of how the jury selection works and how much fun you're supposed to have and how a lot of jurors stay in touch afterwards.... what? Is there a "I was a Juror chatroom" that you can go and read about all of their get togethers?? Or wedding announcements that read, "met while serving on a jury..." Well, after reading the newspaper, having coffee, losing myself in a book, (one gets used to sitting and reading, the best part of jury duty) and making sure I had picked a novel that liberally bandied about words concerning fornication, (well, lest I be accused of being a sleeping nun as I certainly didn't want to nod off), I lost the luck of the draw and was assigned to another courthouse the following day. On the upside once assigned we were allowed to leave and report back for duty the next morning at the more Protestant hour of 10:00 a.m. rather than the bleeding Catholic hour that morning of 7:30 a.m.

The other courthouse was not as much fun as the previous - several floors that all looked the same, sterile walls and what is it with our legal system that these courtrooms have no pictures? Imagine if those pictures you see in offices, "Strive for Success," "Reach Your Goals" or "There's no I in Team," were displayed? It would at least give one something to look at rather than the $500 suited lawyers and high salaried judge as you thought, "hmm, and we're getting $15 a day plus 34 cents a mile! Yes! I do want to be here! It is my civic duty!" Hell! I can make that much during our weekly bingo game!

Well, this nun was never interviewed as 11 jurors were picked, but then there was that pesky 12th one that kept getting tossed. Such invasive questioning by the lawyers, all the while with smiles permanently ingrained across their cheeks. "So do you feel you might harbor any grudges against the nature of my client's business?" Oh no, only the fact that I'm here making $2.50 an hour and wondering if you lawyers are going to spring for lunch!

Finally near the zero hour the 12th juror was selected and one alternate, and I was thankfully never picked to be on the jury. But my dear friends of the flock, it was a harrowing experience. Makes one want to go work overseas where those PINK jury duty notices will never find you!

Until next time... fly low and avoid the radar!

Halloween - Sinners the Evening of and the Morning After

Well, I wasn't wrong when I wondered aloud what costume the lot of you would choose. Herewith are some samples of your versions of nuns and the interesting company you keep.

And They're Off! What happened when the umbrella opened and a huge gale force came by!

Who needs wings to fly indeed?! Apparently "the" King of the World blessed the sisters with the gift of flight! So, look up in the skies and if you see a black and white streak go by, try not to throw rocks at them!

Friday - Nun Fun Foto Time - "I'm King of the World!"

Well, the sisters apparently tired of playing croquet and horseshoes decided instead to play charades, this no doubt being the "I'm the King of the World" scene from "Titanic." Or perhaps she is imagining herself as the Flying Nun as she prepares to take flight, or that she'll get enough of gale force and float about as if she were Mary Poppins.

One thing is for certain, these sisters no doubt have been to a Trappist Monk's Brewery!