The Worldwide Nun

Song of Bernadette actress Jennifer Jones ... R.I.P

2009-12-17T15:14:00.000-08:00

Nominated for an Oscar five times and won it for her portrayal of "a saintly nun" in Song of Bernadette.

We Give Thanks, Because We're Nuns.

2009-11-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

"'Aging with Grace: What the Nun Study Teaches Us About Leading Longer, Healthier and More Meaningful Lives,' by David Snowdon shows the power attitudes have in the life of each individual. A group of nuns, ranging in age from 75 to 104, allowed themselves to undergo testing. The nuns with a positive perspective experienced a longer and more content life." -- (excerpted from the article "The Importance of Gratitude" from The Huntsville Item).

Well our order is no exception. We were very thankful that Sister Fry Cook was able to whip up a great Thanksgiiving dinner, sans turkey. Yes, I said, without the bird. We had one all ready to go, but it looked at us, we looked at it and well, let's say that idea flew the coop. So, we have one new member to our flock, who has gone from being simply referred to as "the turkey" to Sister Many Feathers. She's a lovely bird and we feel much prettier alive.

We did have many wonderful side dishes and took a "stab" at tofurkey. Not bad actually. And since we did away with a real turkey, and not being ones to suffer too much, we delved into more of the "spirits," shall we say. It seemed the much more holier way to go, if I do say so myself. Nectar of the gods, indeed!

This Year's Nun Costumes...or What Nuns Dress Up As For Halloween

2009-10-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

This year is certainly ripe with controversy over the lot of you and your fetish for not just nun costumes, but pregnant nun costumes. A certain, shall we say, overweight mom who was in the news earlier this year has also stirred up the pot donning a pregnant nun costume and dressing her "many" children as devils (see link).

Also in the news is Spencer's Gifts under the headline of "...markets vulgar Catholic Halloween costumes." One of their top sellers is the "Priest with an Erection" and "Pregnant Nun" costume, often sold as a pair. Well, I suppose in "layman" terms it makes sense.

So, this brings to mind what many of you ask, when, of course, you're not bothering us about doomsday predictions - what do nuns dress up as for Halloween? Well, here at Worldwide Nun Central we have been busy all week sewing away and finally caught a smoke break from the Singers'. Yes, we do wear costumes. Some sisters prefer to don a halo over their habit, which is a mere headpiece. Sister Fry Cook is dressing up as Emeril (don't ask). Mother Superior is dressing up as Friar Tuck. This required a bald rubber head piece (again, don't ask). Two of the sisters who are as thick as thieves dressed up as Cagney & Lacey. Hmm. And then there's always the very easy costume of donning a beak to look like a Penguin. One of our retro favorites is to dress up like The Penguin from the old Batman TV series. Or a couple of cut out milk cartons do well in making the wings on top of our habit heads to look like the Flying Nun. Films are a good source of inspiration. As you'll see from one of the photos I have here, Sister Smiles Too Much watched Wizard of Oz and got a couple of schoolchildren to dress up as elves. And as we're American nuns, sometimes it's just easier to dress up as a group of Trappist Brewery Nuns, such as you would find in Germany. So, this requires a trip to our local liquor store to order a keg of beer. (Mind you we tell them it's for charity, so we get a good rate on the tap.) After a few slogs of the brew we pretty much have convinced ourselves that we indeed brewed it ourselves. And then inevitably one of the sisters who has decided to be the Flying Nun makes an attempt at becoming airborne off the backyard picnic table.

So, enough for now, as I do have to return to the Singer sewing machine to finish my Freddie Krueger costume. Until next time, stay safe and I'd like to say don't take candy from strangers, but then that would ruin the whole holiday wouldn't it?

Mayans Insist the World Won't End in 2012.

2009-10-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

As a nun we are often stopped in the street, at church during vespers, in the grocery store or receive phone calls at the convent, emails and letters from those worried about the various doomsday predictions. Lord knows how many we've had to endure. How would you like it if when Sister Fry Cook has just prepared her delicious souffle and we're about to dip our forks into it, but the phone rings or someone bangs on the door, wanting reassurance that we're not all going to float away (read: die) because of some Nostradamus prediction. (What was up with that guy? I assume his wife probably wasn't a very good cook and he got gas or heartburn a considerable amount of time, so took to his desk to predict many disasters, as he no doubt probably wished he'd just die already.)

That said, the latest prediction is the Mayan calendar running out on 12/12/2012, which has spawned numerous websites and a now, of course, a movie. (And how scary can it be, truly, if John Cusack's the star?) The Mayans have finally spoken out, that it is not the end of the world and they're more concerned with getting some rain soon (and don't bother them about that being a sign - just bring them some water).

So, as the cartoon shows, and I have long said, the reason their calendar runs out on said doomsday date is they probably ... just got tired of counting.

Now, if we can just have one dinner where we reach dessert, in peace...please.

Shroud of Turin or Jesus dish towel?

2009-10-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well, in an attempt to prove that the blessed Shroud of Turin is no more real than our convent's Jesus dish towels, an Italian scientist claims to have recreated the said dish rag, using the same material available back in them Biblical times.

Next thing you know they'll claim that our Last Supper Lunchboxes were not made in the good ole US of A, but in China by Buddhist monks.

It isn't everyday your founder will be CANONIZED by THE POPE

2009-10-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

This just in:
San Pedro Nuns Celebrate a Saint
"Their order's founder will be canonized at the Vatican next week. Thanks to their fundraising a local contingent will be there.
Organizing a country western hoedown was a first for the nuns. So were the carne asada sale and trips to the casino." -- Los Angeles Times (10/04/09)

Hi ho Sisters!

Nun Joke of the Week

2008-02-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached across the counter and grabbed a bag of pretzel sticks and placed it with the beer, saying, "The curlers are on me."

A Nun's Work is Never Done, But She Does Vacation in the Summer

2007-08-29T15:38:00.000-07:00

Well I've been flying around to other, 'er blogging type communities, and as well as Rome, our favorite Trappist breweries, and thought I'd share a picture from my vacation.

Jesus has risen... and he's coming to get you!

2006-04-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, and I myself, a nun, am back from the dead so-to-speak after attending my Easter observances over in La Roma.

All my travels will be detailed in the next entry, but until then, what with the DaVinci Code going forth as a movie, the constant shenanigans on Capitol Hill, our own VP's random version of a drive-by shooting, and just Soddom & Gommorah in general, you bet ole JC is up and looking for you!

Boxing Nun Puppet Incites Rioting by Local Nuns

2006-02-03T16:18:00.000-08:00

Associated Catholic Newswire: Angry protests over the sale of the popular "Boxing Nun" puppet at local area "joke" shops in Los Angeles, have incited non-stop rioting by local nuns. In Hollywood, dozens of nuns marched through parts of the city looting, carrying tiki torches and signs declaring, "Rap the Knuckles of the One Who Makes Fun of the Nun!" and "Nuns are Sisters of God, Not Fighters!" and "Wacko's Making Money off of Free Speech Rights!"

In Pennsylvania, long known as the largest "nun state," burning effigies of the Boxing Nun were erected as various orders, including the sequested Carmelites, even ventured out on the streets after dark to protest.

In Europe, maintaining a more peaceful stance, several nun orders held candlelight vigils while Trappist monks served free beer in an effort to maintain calm, among the more older, unruly sisters. One nun cried out, "See! We drink beer! We're not all bad!" Skinhead punks holding nun puppets and wearing Charlie Don't Surf and Jews for Jesus shirts, surrounded the nuns and taunted, "take a puppet and fight back!"

In Hollywood a local joke shop owner released the statement, "The Boxing Nun has long been one of our biggest sellers. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about as we also having a Boxing Rabbi and a Boxing Satan. So, we certainly don't have anything against anyone, and besides, the Boxing Nun is funny. "

Additional reporting by: Sister Q in Britian.

Dominque a Nicque a Ni... The Singing Nun...

2005-12-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

Well I'm sure this fine singing sister had no idea the many outlets her music would take when she first "cut tracks" for her vinyl album (look it up in the encyclopedia kiddies) that yielded a Number 1 Hit on the charts in 1963 keeping, the rock song, "Louie, Louie" from reaching that coveted position. Now available on CD and the ultimate tribute, you can listen to her while at work as she streams on the World Wide Web at... http://musicsojourn.com/AR/oldies/page/s/SingingNun.htm

This singing Belgian nun was also known as Soeur Sourire ("Sister Smile") and resided at a Dominican convent when she hit it big. Certainly a forward thinker and a product of the free-wheelin' '60s this rebellious nun of the '60s wrote a song praising God for the invention of The Pill. Saints preserve us! Sadly, this gal we could have used around today, decided to take the shortcut to heaven when this rock and roll stage we call "earth" proved too much for her when the Belgian government came a' knockin' for back taxes from unpaid royalties. Like a good nun, Sister Smile had donated those royalties to her convent.

See the sanitized version of her life as portrayed by Debbie Reynolds.

Oprah on Letterman! See... World Peace is Possible?

2005-12-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

Well what a time we are living in. Saddam is captured whilst living in a hole, then gives us entertainment during his courtroom appearances where he admonishes the judge, Osama a man in a WHITE robe in a GRAY/BROWN desert...can't be found, Californians figure out that 'hey maybe hiring an actor to be the Governor wasn't such a good idea,' ole Grandad, Papi passes away and we get an even more...conservative Pope, Nuns are subjects of mystery novels, hold up film shoots and announce The DaVince Code "blasphemous," Trappist monks have breweries... where was I? And yes, 16 years after her last appearance on Letterman, Oprah last night in full regalia with a sort of-gushing Dave sits down in the guest chair! And apparently from the picture above they seemed to have made up and made out after the show!

Uma, Oprah, Uma, Osama, Saddam, Uma, Oprah... as Oprah said, "will you tell me what the feud was about?" (or something to that effect) asking the question of the decade that gee, was sure on my mind every night. That and "what is Katie Holmes thinking??"

And... on the "television event of the decade," Oprah shared her story that when she was a little girl one Christmas they were so poor her mother said that Santa Claus wouldn't make it to their house that year. However.... two nuns showed up with a gift basket and food on Christmas Eve! So, see all is well and there is a happy ending at least in a parallel universe, that is on TV land...

http://www.makestickers.com/letterman.asp - for more Oprah/Dave fun

Well There Goes the Neighborbood

2005-11-22T19:46:00.000-08:00

Ye ole grandad, The Pope, said that gays were not allowed to be priests, not saying if he was going to give the boot to those who are that are currently serving. Or... they can't be priests if they have been sexually active as a gay man in the last six months? Hmm, are lie detector tests around the corner?

Well dearies, there go the once full rectories with many having their trajectories paved for them.

In the Spirit of the Holiday -- The Thanksgiving Day Murder...

2005-11-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

Well, as I get ready for the Thanksgiving holiday around the convent, cleaning up around the dining area, peeling potatoes, shopping, oh forever shopping for enough to feed a small convent and a local rectory, I came across this mystery novel, "The Thanksgiving Murder: A Christine Bennett Mystery." Why you ask? Well, yes on Thanksgiving we certainly "murder" enough things to put on ye ole dinner plate, but that wasn't the reason for this tantalizing selection.

As it turns out the main character of the book, detective Christine Bennett Brooks is a policeman's wife and... a former nun!

Adding her to the honorary list of nun sleuths out there chasing murderers and no doubt lousing up a few crime scenes worthy of a retrial once it goes to court.

Which just goes to show that this detective-former-nun-sleuth obviously is planning on going out to eat as it begs the question... where on earth this week did she find the time to chase after a Thanksgiving murder?

For this tantalizing story and to revisit the Thanksgiving Masacree, ala Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant," see... where else? Ye ole' Amazon.com

Vows - A Priest, A Nun & Their Son!

2005-11-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

At last I know I have a chance! Hmm, wonder if there's a party at the rectory tonight?

12 Angry Men and A Nun?

2005-11-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

I think not! If you were on trial would you want a nun on your jury? Sure, it could go either way - you could get an old nun who nods off a lot, a battle ax nun who would see the word "sinner" emblazoned on your forehead no matter what you do, or a sweet nun that is loving, good and kind and... "can be a fair and impartial juror."

Yes this nun was finally snagged for jury duty after years of being, and still, under the duress of extreme financial hardship. Unfortunately that "excuse," ahem as they call it, is no longer allowed. Hence leaving a lot of jury duty notices found in the trash bins. But being a Catholic nun you are automatically born with a guilty conscience and more importantly afraid of getting the cuffs slapped on you and having to go downtown to a facility where several nuns in waiting are residing, if you catch my drift.

While they have relaxed the jury selection system and you only serve for one trial whereas before in this county they'd cart you around for ten days (at then $5.00 a day)... it is still a system of "the luck of the draw" - where you sit and wait and hope NOT to be called. First you are greeted by a courthouse employee in the jury waiting room who asks, as if a carnival barker, "okay if you have your pink form, yes your pink form, that's right your pink form, did you need me to say it again?, your pink form, if everyone has their pink form..." Ad infinitum and ad nauseum! After the rigmarole of the Pink form, the Green form, fill this out, did you want to postpone your service, any questions and various other "greetings" such as a retired judge who welcomes you and thanks you for wanting to do your "civic duty," while there's a bubble over your head that says, "I thought I'd get arrested if I didn't come down!" .... Then 12 names are called out and assigned to a courtroom. One lucky group came back just as they had entered and was told the case was tossed out! So off they went, not to be bothered another year for jury service.

They do show a video of how the jury selection works and how much fun you're supposed to have and how a lot of jurors stay in touch afterwards.... what? Is there a "I was a Juror chatroom" that you can go and read about all of their get togethers?? Or wedding announcements that read, "met while serving on a jury..." Well, after reading the newspaper, having coffee, losing myself in a book, (one gets used to sitting and reading, the best part of jury duty) and making sure I had picked a novel that liberally bandied about words concerning fornication, (well, lest I be accused of being a sleeping nun as I certainly didn't want to nod off), I lost the luck of the draw and was assigned to another courthouse the following day. On the upside once assigned we were allowed to leave and report back for duty the next morning at the more Protestant hour of 10:00 a.m. rather than the bleeding Catholic hour that morning of 7:30 a.m.

The other courthouse was not as much fun as the previous - several floors that all looked the same, sterile walls and what is it with our legal system that these courtrooms have no pictures? Imagine if those pictures you see in offices, "Strive for Success," "Reach Your Goals" or "There's no I in Team," were displayed? It would at least give one something to look at rather than the $500 suited lawyers and high salaried judge as you thought, "hmm, and we're getting $15 a day plus 34 cents a mile! Yes! I do want to be here! It is my civic duty!" Hell! I can make that much during our weekly bingo game!

Well, this nun was never interviewed as 11 jurors were picked, but then there was that pesky 12th one that kept getting tossed. Such invasive questioning by the lawyers, all the while with smiles permanently ingrained across their cheeks. "So do you feel you might harbor any grudges against the nature of my client's business?" Oh no, only the fact that I'm here making $2.50 an hour and wondering if you lawyers are going to spring for lunch!

Finally near the zero hour the 12th juror was selected and one alternate, and I was thankfully never picked to be on the jury. But my dear friends of the flock, it was a harrowing experience. Makes one want to go work overseas where those PINK jury duty notices will never find you!

Until next time... fly low and avoid the radar!

Halloween - Sinners the Evening of and the Morning After

2005-11-01T11:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I wasn't wrong when I wondered aloud what costume the lot of you would choose. Herewith are some samples of your versions of nuns and the interesting company you keep.

And They're Off! What happened when the umbrella opened and a huge gale force came by!

2005-10-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

Who needs wings to fly indeed?! Apparently "the" King of the World blessed the sisters with the gift of flight! So, look up in the skies and if you see a black and white streak go by, try not to throw rocks at them!

Friday - Nun Fun Foto Time - "I'm King of the World!"

2005-10-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well, the sisters apparently tired of playing croquet and horseshoes decided instead to play charades, this no doubt being the "I'm the King of the World" scene from "Titanic." Or perhaps she is imagining herself as the Flying Nun as she prepares to take flight, or that she'll get enough of gale force and float about as if she were Mary Poppins.

One thing is for certain, these sisters no doubt have been to a Trappist Monk's Brewery!

Who's Minding the Store? Ebay Nun Item of the Week

2005-10-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

If one floats over to Ebay and just types in "nuns" there are always a plethora of items to choose from for the 'pick of the week.' Anything from Nun Vases, more nun movies, some a little on the 'blue' side (more on that later...), musical figurines, a playmobil (scare your baby!), Nunzilla, Nun Canape Plate Set ("a great gift idea!"), Circa 1900 Nun's Rosary (whose been robbing the gravesites?!) and several nun costumes which brings us to this week's pick....
3-piece Wet Look Naughty Nun Mini Costume!

Honestly, you lay people! Well, off for more prayer time. Besides everyone knows that we shower sans habits!

Beaned by a Fly Ball - Nuns Pray for White Sox in Chicago, While Natl Guard Join Nuns in Watch Over Ninth Ward

2005-10-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

Well, if ever there were things to pray for, Lord knows we have a big enough list, just close your eyes and point to anywhere on the dossier and you'll find something significant to send you into vespers.... a trio of nuns in Chicago who have tix to Game 1 bequeathed to them by a benefactor are so excited they're praying for a White Sox victory! And mind you, this is neither in support of or against said team as I only pray to the Big Referee upstairs while the Sisters of Casimir are praying for a "divine intervention" for the 'end of October' (sports lingo schmingo).

Meanwhile the Washington National Guard has joined the Marianites of the Holy Cross (those are nuns to you lay persons) to watch over the Ninth Ward in New Orleans. When the flood waters came from Katrina, the Guard had to hole up in the convent and have since been living side by side with those lucky, 'er, sisters. The soldiers have talked about getting t-shirts with images of nuns in Army gear emblazoned with the slogan, "Nuns with Guns." (Oh dear, how tired is that as you'll see the above order has been sporting rifles for years) But as one of the good sisters said, "We're a non-violent order."

Hmm... now if I had my holy druthers would I want to be out at a baseball game sitting next to persons who obviously spend too much time in front of a bag of potato chips, fondling a Budweiser, slouched-on-a-couch with a remote, screaming, yelling and tossing, no doubt, their beer cups at me, the said penguin sticking out like a sore thumb (though with what you all wear these days to sporting events, blue painted faces and the like, perhaps I wouldn't be too, too obvious)... or... sharing my convent confines with some, well, you know, well-made, defined physical examples of God's creatures, that is men!? Hmm.... tough choice!

Well, guess I should go pray for my sinful thoughts. Until next time... you can read about the lucky Ninth Ward Nuns at Google.com/news.

When the Saints Go Marching In, or When Nun X Spends Too Much Time on the Freeway

2005-10-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

Our favorite mentally roving reporter, Nun X always has the most unique take on most any subject be it, Monk breweries, Pomeroys, or politics, and can erect an easy bridge between all three leaving you in her wake as you scramble for a comeback. Sit for a few hours with Nun X and she'll mix up a blender full of stories including one about her days in a dusty car cruising through Morocco. These tales usually told while the Stiff Pickle Orchestra spins in the background.

Once again as you'll read in her posting below, Nun X has designed a unique thoroughfare between recent Pope pronouncements, the Los Angeles Freeways, old St. Nick and the California tradition of naming a road or a locale after a saint.

Without further ado...

Dateline: Los Angeles, Subject: Nun X incensed

I've been backed up to the third rib with indignation about the latest Popeist commandments. Anyone who has driven up the 101 will have noticed the list of Saints male and female littering the Camino Real:

Santa Monica,
San Fernando
Santa Claus
Santa Barbara...

Hold on, Santa Claus? Is there a mistake? Could this be a protest from the Northern Tribes as they trudged along under the tyrannical thumb of the tonsilled few on their journey north? Innocent fun. 'Here Lads just add an A, for a bit of fun.'

One is lead to consider that the Good Santa himself may infact have been Mrs. Claus in disguise. Perhaps to cover up a pregnancy in front of the children, Santa Claus was given a big belly. Mayhaps the only disguise left to the Pregnant Bearded Lady appearing at some Victorian frollick. A left over from the days of misrule and Pagan Yule tide logs. Or Pantomime, with its good spattering of Cross Dressers and the Widow Twankie snapping garters and fondling beard as she cavorted before the Gas Light stage. The Principal man in fair maidens bloom would not have raised an eyebrow at the honorable Santa Claus as he/she cavorted amongst the young ones.

So Pop(e) old girl, what about it? Remember the Lady in that position, and reinstate her image on the wall in honor of our dear Santa Claus.

Gays in the Belfry and tipple in the Hall.
I say, let them lie where they will....one and all.

Nun X

Nun Toys...What On Earth Will You Lay People Think of Next? (pun intended!)

2005-10-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

Well who would have thought when the first sister donned a habit that eventually it would spark a whole market of nun toys? It's bad enough to receive Nun greeting cards on birthdays and holidays, as if I needed to be reminded that I am indeed a nun, but now to have seen the bevy of nun toys from puppets to windup toys and now, the ultimate in poor taste created by a man obsessed with sounds from his orifice... I kid you not...the Farting Nun Organ! And this man no doubt lives next to a Trappist Brewery as it comes from the UK. One can only imagine how this idea was dreamed up. No doubt over a few pints whilst yucking it up in said pub. But... as there is much to be troubled about in this world ... and to each his own...and we are to spread some good cheer, and if you're into this sort of thing, then go to the link below and watch this trio of nuns "fart" their way through a few numbers.

And for when the conversation starts to wane at the dinner table as you discuss 'the great accomplishments of Dubya,' here's a sure fire winner to liven things up... a nun puppet, also known as "the boxing nun."

And perhaps the other dinner party guests could also have the "fingerpuppet nuns" as party favors and join on the fun. Then a group therapy discussion could ensue in which you speak through the nuns, quite like the Holy Spirit might speak through you if you prayed more often... and then tell each other exactly what you think of them. Or just have a puppet show and sing your way through the "Sound of Music" soundtrack, using the silverware and glasses as percussion instruments.

And for the truly dispossessed that had rather traumatic encounters with us in the classroom, you can relive those warped scenarios by winding up little Nunzilla and watch her trot around the room spitting sparks of fire.

Honestly! What will you lay people think of next? I shudder to think! Well, off to the Nun Toy Factory, 'er, that is, prayer hour. Until next time...

Halloween Is Coming. Gee, I Wonder What Costumes the Lot of You Will Choose?

2005-10-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

"Halloween" is a bastardized version of "Allhallow's Eve," or defined by Princeton.edu as "the day before All Saint's Day, often devoted to pranks played by young people."

I first got my feet wet as a nun by, yes, I have to admit, dressing up as a Nun one Halloween when I was a wee-novitiate-in-training. Naturally being part of a Catholic family on a layman's salary, I had to be inventive and transformed a sibling's black graduation gown into a habit. Throw in my First Holy Communion rosary and some white linen from the linen drawer and voila! I could have walked into the convent at my local parochial school and had a meeting of the minds with the Philadelphia penguins, i.e., the sisters, not a home team of any sort. Oddly enough it inspired my brothers to do the same. (they didn't become priests, but seem to have retained an odd fascination as they approach middle age even, for the trumpet sounds their orifice can create after a night of eating Mexican food)

Strange things can happen when "a nun" child shows up at a door searching for candy (and certainly prepares you for the begging and life of poverty you take up as the real deal) or an adult attends a booze-laden Halloween party.

Whilst perusing for some such stories to forewarn all you playful souls about the dangers of parading as a wanna-be nun on Halloween, I chanced upon this story, in three parts no less, at the Revolution Pollution blog site. Quite a story this blogger has to tell with the quotable quote, "I must say I look ravishing as a nun if a nun can look ravishing." Chapter One of this harrowing story -- "The Nun Who Drank Too Much." Chapter Two - "The Nun Who Drank Too Much, Pt. 2" and the grand finale, "The Nun Goes to Court."

Let me perhaps provide you with this visual, if this story doesn't scare you enough. If the Nun shenanigans get out of hand and you are a "she," you could end up in the pokey, and we all saw what happened to Linda Blair in "Born Innocent." (made me never want to 'sweep' again, if you catch my holy drift) If you're a "he," well, does the phrase, "wearing your boxers backwards?" mean anything to you? Let's just say 'a he-nun in a pokey, is surely to get it. Okie dokie?'

So, if any of you wannabes need advice on your nun regalia that you'll be trouncing around in on Halloween, send me a picture and we'll post it for all the web world to see.

Until then, those readers in the U.K. can find the above costume at the partydomain.co.uk

Cheerio!

Godspeed at the Horse Races

2005-10-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

http://houseofboo.com/nuns.htm

It appears the Little Sisters of the Poor have seen the light having suffered enough bake sales, rummage sales (the worst!), sewing underwear such as the Nuns of St. Claire did in the movie, "Rebecca," to finally put their hopes on a far better meal ticket... a thoroughbred. (And I certainly don't mean a hunky farmhand!) Donated to the good sisters they are putting the racehorse, up for auction and then will reap from the proceeds every time he crosses first at the finish line.

What's next? Nuns opening casinos? I say, take a page from the Trappists monks and nuns and open a stateside-nun-run-saloon and/or brewery. Take your pick!

And now a bit of horse humor...

The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit. Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw. As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor. She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven to receive her offering. She pressed the $50 into the man's hands and said, "Godspeed, my good man." As she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?" Shyly, she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."

The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said. The nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but I cannot disturb her right now. She's in the chapel. May I give her a message?" "Yes," said the man gleefully. "Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at Belmont."

Calling Katie Holmes... Save Yourself, Join the Convent Now!

2005-10-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

My, my, my if ever a poor dear needed rescuing, and as the Whoopster's character in Sister Act hid out in a convent from the mob, for the sake of escaping the trainwreck-de-la-Cruise, Miss Katie Holmes please run to your nearest costume shop, purchase a nun's habit (discounts aplenty with Halloween around the corner) and knock on our convent door for immediate entrance! We're the next best thing to, ahem, Holmes for Unwed Mothers, and we'll even watch junior or juniorette, when you go to work everyday.

We held a bake sale, announced it at mass, raffled off Sister Divinia's big screen TV (since being 92 she sleeps through most of the day and is 'nun' the wiser...), sold chocolate bars, and raised I believe enough money to somewhat match the salary you surely must have been paid for your performance-of-a-lifetime in the I'm Tom Cruise's Wife movie that will screen at the current running time of the next... five years.

So, you have your choice Miss Holmes.... one of these images could be you!

Novel Nuns...Literally

2005-09-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

The publishing industry has produced a new subspecies of nuns, and quite a novel-ty - detective nuns! The competing sisters pictured here are Sister Joan and Sister Cecile, both obviously not satisfied with their chosen profession of daily prayer. Far too boring for these sisters who have taken to solving the latest murder! I can imagine what happens when Mother Superior turns the other way and these nun sleuths who pretend to be weeding the garden and/or going out for quiet meditation time...take off running to solve the latest crime! No doubt leaving a black sheet with a doll's head in their bed as a decoy. Imagine if we had these nun sleuths on the FBI or the CIA. No doubt we would have caught a few of America's Most Wanted by now including the latest elusive terrorists.

And Sister Mary Helen is also out there cracking the most pious of cases....
'The Missing Madonna,' 'Death Goes On a Retreat,' or my favorite, no doubt spicing up the most tedious novena...'Novena for Murder.'

If in your local bookstore, just look for the tiny nun on the spine of the book in the Mystery section.

And seeing as how this is a wide open field, let me weigh in with a few titles of my own.
Annoucing 'A Nun Mystery Series!'

'Cold Case Nun'
'X-Files Nun'
'CSI...Nun'
'A Nun Solves the Black Dahlia Murder'

or perhaps more subtle titles:

'Penance Takes a Back Seat'
'Sin Becomes Her'
'Resurrection Alley'
'Cracking the Covenant'
'Cold Case Convent'
'Death in the Chapel'
'Back Alley Confessions'
'Convent Coroner'
'Sin's A Beach'
'Mysterious Habits'
'Murder on the Sabbath'

And with a nod to James Bond:

'Never Say Nun Again'
'Nunfinger'
'From Rome With Love'
'Dr. Nun'
'The Nun Who Loved Me'
'A View to A Nun!'

What's that you sayMother Superior, Random House Publishing is on the line? Well, until next time...look for me on your bookstore shelves!

Ebay Nun Item of the Week

2005-09-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Attention all Catholic Ebay bidders -- Haunted Nun Doll claims to be haunted by a family's missing beloved nanny who flew the coop but...left her spirit inside a nun doll. Family member claims to have seen the nun doll smile at her even though the mouth painted on the face is in a different position. Special powers lurk inside this nun doll - she'll set straight even the most unruly children!

Hmm... think Twilight Zone. Or... could it be Mary herself tired of landing on grilled cheese sandwiches, found a doll to settle in comfortably and instead of scaring the poor believers in the world by appearing on a building or floating along in the air to poor peasant mountain children decided, 'well, I can just scare straight a few children and relax in the process!'

Bid now!

National Help Out A Nun Day

2005-09-18T22:07:00.000-07:00

Being the Worldwide Nun
I have decided to declare Monday, Sept. 19 as National Help Out A Nun Day. Please go to your local convent and offer to weed the garden, or if you see us out and about in public life, carry the groceries to the car (what else do you ever see us doing unlike the movies where we're always involved in a bevy of activity), if you're Whoopi Goldberg, give us singing lessons, if you're Sidney Poitier, help us build a church, perhaps design us snappier habits if you're Mr. Blackwell. Or since we're a non-profit bunch, make a donation to our favorite charity. (A Nun, 333 Convent Way, Any State USA) And failing all that, if you see this group out on the high seas, perhaps point them in the right direction!

When Phallic Images Enter Well Meaning Spiritual Books

2005-09-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

The whole title to this book is actually "After You've Blown It: Reconnecting with God and Others." Hmm, the Lord certainly works in mysterious ways when it came to time to plant 'the muse' as it were, into the cover art for this book. Talk about subliminal advertising! Alas...the cover has since been changed to a more respectable cliffhanger... Find the G-rated version at...where else?

Cool Nuns of the Day - helping out in New Orleans

2005-09-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

Having spent many a Catholic holiday kickin' up my heels in the Crescent City, it has been all too devastating to see the wrath that has overtaken it and its people. That said and in short tribute - "one order of nuns coming right up" as the article published in the Shreveport Times (at the link below) says.

Nuns earlier this week were on their way to help out in New Orleans. Rolling up their sleeves, hiking up their habits - my vote for cool nuns of the day/week/month. So, bravo Sisters of St. Francis of Sylvania, Ohio.

Calling The Last Supper Party - Your Table is Now Ready!

2005-09-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

Well on the 14th it is believed that The Last Supper took place (also referred to as "the last shindig" in recent times.) There have been many depictions of this blessed event, the most notable one being the painting that started it all - and thus spawned centuries of speculation as to its hidden clues as well as a major novel and soon-to-be motion picture starring, Tom Hanks (DaVinci Code for those of you not quite awake yet! Sit up straight!)... Leonardo DaVinci's appropriately named, "The Last Supper" painted on the wall of a Milanese convent! (the most our convent ever got was a velvet painting of TLS)

As you can see this infamous wonderous rendering of the event has since also spawned...many imitators. Let's review.

Starting with DaVinci's painting (see below) , nothing else comes close to depicting what a great supper it was certainly no less by the person who sits below Jesus and appears to be passing out. I mean, if you had the man there who can turn sparkling water into wine, you'd also be plotzed to by the end of the meal! (and certainly the Trappists breweries weren't around at this time or within stumbling distance). While everyone thinks the men are eyeing Jesus in this portrait, I think it's obvious what's on these men's minds as this poor woman appears to be nodding off. 'Hmm, I wonder if the chariot is parked outside? Perhaps I can offer her a ride home!' (Well, I believe it's a woman nodding off, but then that theory is also up for grabs)

Then there is this other one you'll see where Jesus is standing up (see above) and the table is less in view and the plates are empty. Is he about to propose a toast?

And, of course all these images have made their way into decorative everyday household items. Who would have thought that a dinner that preceded a crucifixion would one day be emblazoned on a round plate hanging next to a plastic covered couch or over a pressed board dining room table. Or my favorite... making its way to school on a child's lunchbox!

And then in response to the various theories about the infamous DaVinci rendering we now have two books in response, "Who Cooked The Last Supper?" and my favorite, "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" by Father George Carlin! Certainly, when any great event happens over mealtime in history the women chefs are often the unseen heroes, the forgotten ones slaving over a hot stone stove in this case. And why is it always the busiest person offers to bring the main dish and the rest of us always agree?!

Until next time...the one question I think was never answered in any of these Last Supper theories - how big of a tip do you think they left?!

Footnotes: http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/artists/leonardo-da-vinci/

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14341a.htm

Does Anyone Remember the Pope in the Pizza?

2005-09-11T16:56:00.000-07:00

Sightings of saints date back to the dawn of human imagination, my fondest one being ...Our Lady of Fatima! Here however are just a few of the more infamous sightings that gives one pause as to their choice of trajectories...

The infamous "Nun Bun" from 1996. Is it just an ordinary cinnamon bun, or... is it Mother Teresa? I'd opt for a manmade contraption as it appeared while she was alive, and well, she was less than amused when its image made its way onto t-shirts. (even though we did raise the necessary funds needed for new coffeemakers in the convent when we peddled our share!)

Father Guido Sarducci - did he ever find the Pope in the pizza? Here it looks as if the Pope himself is trying to find his image in some pizza dough, no doubt from the delicious Italian pizzeria down the street from the Vatican.

Mary was floating along and as what often happens to birds in flight with these glass mirrored buildings, well she just 'floated' right smack into it and got stuck there for several hours! Quite a colorful splat - a bit Peter Max-ish I'd say.

And certainly my favorite one that has made its way into our consciousness certainly whenever we make a grilled cheese sandwich! Mary, perhaps a bit hungry from all this flying around and/or as Mother Superior would have said, she's just running out of places to magically appear isn't she?!

More to come....

Say it isn't so! It wasn't raining...it was Lennon pissing from a window.

2005-09-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the nerve! Here all this time we thought as the old saying goes - when it rains, it's the angels peeing from heaven. Well, looks like that time I was waltzing about in my old hood, that it was 'a god' of a different sort, Mr. Lennon peeing out his window on our flock. Imagine there is no heaven, indeed!

Well, as Mother Superior would have said no doubt, God rest her soul, - if someone is going to pee on you, it might as well be John Lennon! Read about it here...http://www.gigwise.com/news.asp?contentid=8323

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0670059544/qid=1126399572/sr=1-12/ref=sr_1_12/104-5783370-7129555?v=glance&s=books

Nuns & Movies Make Strange Bedfellows - Part One

2005-09-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

With nuns bleeding at the knees in protest over the filming of the DaVinci Code, (or auditioning for a part in said movie - you decide) it's enough to make one wonder why. For the cinema has been one of the greatest plugs, and on the big screen no less, for our cause and life in the convent!

As a young novitiate in training, I was weaned on such cinematic treasures as... "The Sound of Music" (certainly the greatest nun movie of all time, if only for the scene of Mother Superior belting out "Climb Every Mountain" as you wondered, hello, how was the convent able to afford the orchestra backing you on this number? And, of course, a nun pulling plug wires out of the Nazi's car to help the Von Trapp family take off with their runaway nun, Maria and the fact that young novice nun Maria was able to be 'engaged' to both Jesus and Christopher Plummer - well that's a long road to go down for now); "The Singing Nun" (dominique, na nick na ni! and yes, like all good Catholic families we owned the soundtrack!); "Heaven Knows Mr. Allison" (where a castaway nun gets to hang out with hunky, occasionally unshaven, musky smelling Mr. Allison and finds herself eating raw fish. I wondered, is that what missionary work will ask us to do? And how can one hire "a Mr. Allison" to keep the fires burning if needed...); "The Trouble With Angels" (my vote for 'the' Hayley Mills movie, though she certainly gave us a lot of tricks to try on our nun teachers!); "Where Angels Go Trouble Follows" (Rosalind Russell reprises her role in this sequel to the aforementioned title, and no less as a sign of the times, taking the girls to California peace rally!). And in later years, "Sister Act" (with far too many memorable lines, the least of which Sister Whoopi's attempt at saying grace before dinner and what a nun choir really sounds like before a hip Las Vegas chick comes in to show them how it's really done. If only our church choir could afford to pay Whoopi her salary for music lessons...)

There are a couple of titles here that have escaped me. And I shudder to think what the two nuns on the cover of "Come to the Stables" are thinking! Perhaps Nun X might have a clue she being around stables and up to her habit in horse mucky muck much of the time. "Black Narcissus" - shant go there!

And all these are available, some as you shall see for 10% off, at Amazon.com!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/listmania/list-browse/-/1B0NO8W6X06Z6/104-5783370-7129555

Well, sounding like perhaps one of those old nuns who is a wee bit winded from too much bending at the knees, hours of fervent prayer and/or turned out to pasture... Nun X has offered a comment re: the above --

As my good friends who make up, The Four Mounted Nuns of the Apocalypse, assured me, 'You better be wearing leathers when thundering down on some unsuspecting sinner in breach of one of the all encompassing commandments.'

Nothing like a good stirrup cup before heading out on one of those expeditions.

Nun X

Nun X Wonders About Blackfriars and Pomeroys

2005-09-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

Pomeroys, 30 yards from Blackfriars Tube Station. Visiting Nuns sometimes confuse the Tube stop for a scenic Monastic sightseeing venue.

Nun X
http://www.elvino.co.uk/FAQS/xtraPages.asp?PG=c3

Picture of Nun Reprimanded at MSNBC.com

2005-09-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9050471/ - She has been revealed! Take a look see at this photo of the nun reprimanded for dancing, or 'naughty nun' as MSNBC calls her. I must say that I'm quite impressed she was able to kick up her heels that high. She wasn't kidding!

Here are some other dancing nuns - though they must live on a farm with their jeans pant legs showing under their habits and all.

Until next time... if you're going to dance in the name of the almighty, just please don't get caught!

Capitalist Nun

2005-08-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Who knew centuries ago when the first sister donned a habit that nuns in the modern age would become a business, the subject of latent Catholic angst or a worldwide pop culture phenomenom right up there with Andy Warhol (himself a devout Catholic)? As a business not only has it filled a few therapists' couches, but the amount of 'nun-o-belia' (copyright, ahem, pending) that I for instance have received over the years, is astounding. Just go to ebay and type in 'nuns' and see what you'll find. It's a wonder we still hold bake sales and church bazaars to raise extra funds. You think if we just did some paintings and signed them Sister Mary Patrick, like the painting elephants and babboons whose work has made its way into galleries, we could cash in and get better towels for the bathroom, or trade in those old lady automobiles for something a wee bit more sporty. I mean, we are nuns 24/7, but we do like to put pedal to the metal now and then. Actually, with the price of gas you may noticed some of us on the bus seat next to you or in the subways. Or if on the grand streets of New York, hailing a taxi. Believe me, no one can out-whistle a nun when hailing a cab!

Well, with that in mind we would like to thank our sponsors as you'll notice on the right side of the page. Who knows - maybe free tours of convents or trips to the Trappists breweries and other nun-such contests will be offered

Until next time...keep sending those cards and letters.

Sister Q, by the way has voted for Nun X to have her own column. We'll see if we can twist her habit.

Inspired by Nun X, New Follower Sister Q Joins the Flock

2005-08-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

I have just recently found your website. What a breath of fresh air! It's so hard being a nun these days, everyone is expecting a habit and flying lessons. I, however, am firmly grounded and while I do not consume beer myself, I live in Vermont where the local sisters certainly appreciate their microbrews. Soon I'll be jetting off to England to begin more adventures of the finest order. My dream is to run into Sister Wendy in front of a David Hockney painting at the Tate Museum. That would be sublime! Thanks again for the wonderful site, keep up the great work and let's all get our praise on! - Sister Q

P.S. And yes, I was inspiredby Nun X!

Nun X replies...

I wish Sister Q luck in her travels. A quick tour of the ruined Cathederals dotted around that God forsaken land will be enough to make a good habit shudder. Since the locals had to be complicit in the wrecking of Glastonbury and many others by Henry the 8th
troupes, you would be well advised to hike your habit to your knees and possibly wear a chador.
NunX

Nun X Wonders About the Wisdom of a Pub Next to a Convent

2005-08-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

What worries me is if some Puritanical Nun subspecies starts creating a fuss about 'a habit' walking home with a glass of Pomeroys Plonk after closing.

Nun X

http://artbymichele.blogspot.com/

Nuns in the News - How to Get Up for Early Morning Prayer if the Local Bar Wants To Stay Open till 2:00 A.M.

2005-08-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

Dateline Britian: All the fun is in Europe I'm convinced what with most of these stories of dancing, drinking nuns, Trappist breweries and nuns holding up film shoots making their way into the news from across the pond.

Here you'll find the latest - http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1750867,00.html - an article from the Times Online in which a group of nuns from a religious college are opposing a neighboring watering hole, the Golden Ball Pub that wants to extend its daily hours from 8:00 a.m. to 2:30 a.m. You know, normal pub hours. Apparently the nuns were recently serenaded in the wee hours by a "tipsy reveller" with a rendition of "Is This the Way to Amarillo?" Had the Brit nuns been a bit more "brilliant" shall we say, they would have responded with the Marty Robbins tune, "El Paso." What with all the singing a nun is required to do, a 'call and response' revelry could have taken place!

Will keep you posted on who wins this battle. My vote is to take a page from the Trappists ala 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'

A Nun Revealed

2005-08-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have wondered who I am or what I look like... here I am working on...The Worldwide Nun!

http://azercooldude.netfirms.com/pages/000018-Nuns_plus_Internet_equals_trouble.htm

Nuns in the News...again: Sister Mary Michael Knelt Down & Prayed for 12 Hours... count 'em

2005-08-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Sister Mary Michael has made the Hollywood news with her defiant 12-hour kneeling stint against the filming of 'DVC' (Da Vinci Code) at the Lincoln Cathedral that was apparently witnessed by Tom Hanks and the Sony film crew. Sister Mary Michael said that it only 'mattered what God thought, not what a film crew thought.' Loosely translated: she gave a 12 hour audition for a part in the movie in hopes to show that the long shooting days required to make such a film are face it, nothing to dyed-in-the-habit old timer nuns who spend hours prostrate in penance. And that it only matters what... Mr. Hanks thought of her knee bruising performance!

The Lincoln Cathedral was selected after being turned down by the Westminister Abbey where the book is originally set.

Read all about it here - http://www.thehollywoodnews.com/article/20080503.php

Nun X Weighs in on Nun Reprimanded

2005-08-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Sister Giddy-Up by Sister Michele - http://artbymichele.blogspot.com/

Multilingual Nun X who has traveled to various countries in her missionary work throws in a little Equestrian-speak as she weighs in on the Belgian nun. (and judging from her comment below she surely received her Masters at the Trappist Universities)

"Want hun geld is meer dan welkom."

That should teach them a lesson.
Nun X

Loosely translated: "Want him gelded for dancing weird with me."

Personally I think the Belgian nun was hoping for the opposite. But then as Mr. W.C. Fields said: Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Cool Nun of the Day - The Spirit Moved Her - Dancing Nun Gets Reprimanded!

2005-08-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

Dateline: Belgium - In the throes of ectasy, no less during World Youth Day and seemingly appropriate with a 'youth,' a young Belgian nun whilst dancing was apparently overcome by the Holy Spirit and held on to her dance partner with heels locked firmly in place! Just as we used to do in the swingin' '70s before hanging up our roach clips and psychedelic t's and entering the convent. Though 'the spirit' moved this sister those 'earthbound' mortals, such as, Mother Superior, saw otherwise - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9050471/

This was originally reported in Het Laatste Nieuws and though I couldn't find the picture of the Dancing Nun, I did find this interesting image that will just have to suffice and let's face it, is what the Mother Superior who reprimanded this nun thought might be the eventual outcome of her wild dancing - http://www.hln.be/hln/cch/det/art_113145.html

And is it any wonder that she is a... Belgian nun? No doubt one of the Trappist breweries was conveniently nearby. A good lesson for our youth because as W.C. Fields said, "The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive." At any rate, I'm going on CheapTickets.com to book the next flight over to Belgium. This poor dear will probably need some counseling. Viva la Trappists!

Stump a Nun - questions from the misinformed

2005-08-22T15:46:00.000-07:00

Question for a nun,
Is organic wine associated with Jesus because he drank organic wine?
Sincerely,
Little Sister

Thank you for writing. However, nuns don't drink wine, only Trappist beer, which we spend much time studying for its character and special properties as Nun X has attested to in her contribution below. Perhaps though if you prayed more, Jesus would give you the answer.

Question for a nun,
Where is Lily's collar?
Confused,
Big Sister

Nuns can't see through walls nor in closed handbags. Only Jesus or Patrick Swayze's character in 'Ghost' can. However, look under your bed and see if it's around a dust bunny's neck.

Ask 'A Nun' A Question - queries from the flock - Is Thai Elvis in the House?

2005-08-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

My nun question is: With the current dwindling numbers, will nuns start new ways to attract people into the flock? Beer bribes perhaps? :) Best, Traci

Dear Sister Traci,

Thank you for writing. There are actually more nuns than you think, it's just that the new modern day-millennium-sisters of the space age, as I like to call 'em, are 'out of habit,' thus harder to see in your everyday surroundings. But I can always spot 'em.

For instance, I was taken to The Palms bar (not the lobster restaurant of the same name on Sunset) on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, where there were a flock of women with short hair and obviously out of habit! They do this so that they can run around to bars undetected. I though came gliding through the wooden swinging doors in full regalia. ('Palms" is obviously a secret code name in reference to Palm Sunday) These 'out of wedlock 'er habit' nuns are so gleeful in their praise of JC that they were even dancing together in some cases. A few came up and asked to have their picture taken with me or for an autograph, as they claimed to have 'never seen a nun in a bar' before. I smiled and gave them a knowing wink, to which led one 'out of habit' nun start telling me her innermost secrets of -Saints Preserve Us- wanting to, well, 'bed a nun.' At first I played the naive holy card, hoping it certainly meant she wanted to perhaps be a maid in a convent and 'turn down the sheets' (to which she nodded vigorously...) or 'make the bed.' I told her to apply at the nearest convent. As I made my way out of this drinking establishment for 'out of habit' nuns in an obvious attempt to further hide her 'nun identity' she slapped me on the rear! Heavens! What these modern day, no-frills nuns go through to defy long standing tradition and hide who they really are. It's as if they borrowed a page from the Tom Cruise manual!

To that effect, and in answer to your last question, I was actually given I suppose what could be called a few 'beer bribes,' that certainly didn't hold a candle to the Trappists Beer (see early posting below re: Nuns & Beer) that I do partake in only, of course, when visiting the brewing monasteries in Belgium!

Until next time... Keep those cards and letters and prayers coming and... Keep your eyes off your neighbor's paper!

You were obviously at the wrong Palms. The Palms Thai Restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard (http://cityguide.aol.com/losangeles/dining/venue.adp?sbid=100059536) is a most uplifting experience with Thai Elvis (see above) in attendance nightly. You were getting 'palmed off' with this out-of-habit hole in the wall joint. With the illustrious Elvis in full white regalia, Saint Preserve Me herself would pass through the portals un-noticed.

Nun X

Every Now and Then Even a Nun Drinks a Beer - Answers from the Covenant

2005-08-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

Beer is the great unifier as this other Sister relates:

Comment from Nun X (of a secretive order) :

Those Trappists make a mean liquor too. One night, as I sort refuge on my travels through lower Tuscany, cleverly disguised as a monk, in my hour of need, I knocked feverishly at the old wooden peep hole in the Monestry portal. Seeing the state of my poor robes, I was at once escorted to the holy of holies where a poor unfortunate was sprawled in penance on the distillery floor. As I crawled forward I dragged his body out of the way, and came to rest under the dripping tap of an oaken barrel. I was restored to my former self within moments, as a result of the miraculous brew. Herbs gently coaxed from their leafy bowers, and pressed with loving devotion into a liquor of life giving potency. I soon passed out from exhaustion and came to my senses the following day.

I can only raise my eyes in appreciation of this gift as I have been sworn to secrecy as to its location.

Nun X

Every Now and Then Even a Nun Drinks a Beer

2005-08-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

The age old beverage, tea- (the drink, not the 'herbal substance' as the term was so finely bandied about in the '60s) -was my first introduction to what nuns like to drink. Whilst touring Western Samoa as a young girl, as we were Catholic, a barefoot nun in a white habit served as our host and drove us around to the various island convents. Western Samoa has the Queen on their currency and so, we were introduced to nuns who had...tea and crumpets every afternoon. (I can't remember if the British accent came along with those t & c's) By the last stop of 'oh my gosh, how delightful, tea & crumpets...again!' I was convinced that the cool island nuns not only got to run around barefoot, but just sat around having a natter and a cup of tea every afternoon.

But if one were to look back in the annals of history you would find that monks and nuns were the early pioneers of brewing....beer! Imagine having a beerstein of suds, a 'bloody pint,' a 'dang beer' with a flock of nuns! What with many of us that join the order of Irish, Latino and English descent, you can certainly say that beer drinking is an instilled part of our makeup!

Read about it at the link below where it refers to our early brothers and sisters as "beer saints" who promoted beer consumption among the malnourished! Hmm, you could say we were either partly responsible for starting a fat, couch potato society, or the genesis for AA....
http://www.allaboutbeer.com/features/226beersaints.html

As far back as 1677 "the nuns thirst got the better of them..." Idle time creates idle hands no doubt... and besides what was there to do back then? Read about it here -
http://www.upliftersspirits.com/story.htm

As a world traveler when the chips get low from our non-profit status, it's always good to have a 'road map' if you will, of the various orders to stop in and say hello (preferably not the 'tea & crumpets' orders). When in Belgium one must always have a holy visit to the Trappists, one of the most 'severe' orders of monks and nuns who are known for their finely brewed 'Trappist Beers.' Hmm, let's review 'severe.' When a monk gets out of line he has to go toil for hours in the brewery. I imagine more than a few monks are caught kneeling on one knee, skipping a prayer or two, or grabbing an extra piece of bread, in order to meet their fate! http://www.beer2005.be/langue/en/biere/Trappistes.htm

Belgium is home to, at last count, 12 Trappist abbeys, six for nuns and six for monks. One of my favorite stops is the Trappists in Orval as legend has it that Countess Matilda of Tuscany lost a gold ring in a lake and when it was brought to the surface by a trout, she thanked God by...endowing a monastery. And *praise Jesus* the monastery saw fit to start brewing beer, it is believed before the French Revolution. Either way, you can get lost in its history and if you get on a monk's good side he'll take you to where the real good stuff is down in the basement. But... we won't go there, verbally that is. Read all about the Trappists here by a 'real' Michael Jackson, a self-named 'beer hunter,' and one who chose to sample the brewskis around the world and not the, 'er children of the world shall we say. http://www.beerhunter.com/documents/19133-000221.html

And most all of the Trappist breweries are a hop, skip and a jump to a neighboring pub, one even run by the monks. How delightful! So, go wet your whistle at lunchtime and skip the tea and crumpets for now! Until next time...

Nuns in the News - When an old Nun can't accept that Jesus might have had a girlfriend.

2005-08-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

And speaking of Irate Nuns, check out today's pick for "Nuns in the News" - http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/3817.html

One novel bandied about whilst in Rome and waiting for the white smoke to shoot out of the chimney, was most certainly The Da Vinci Code (or "DVC" if talking about it in mixed company) that suggests JC and MM had a trist of some sort. As Hollywood most certainly would come knocking as if a prostitute at a convention, the book was snapped up and the movie is being filmed right now in England. Well, rather filming is supposed to take place outside of Winchester Cathedral, 'er, the Lincoln Cathedral, however, Sister Mary Michael, a 61-year-old-nun is laying down across the pavement, when she' s not kneeling and bleeding at the knees, of course, in fervent prayer, and putting the brakes on the whole production! Sister takes great issue with DVC although admittedly she has not read it, calling it "an old error, derived from mystery faiths of the east."

The east, meaning New York Catholics, or the Eastside Catholics verses the Across the Pond Catholics? Such as the difference in the sounds of East Coast, West Coast rap? Or the 'mysteries' of Eastern religions? Gives one pause. Anyhow read about it at the above link. For more pressing stories, check out this link http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N17249548.htm where you can join a vigil in support of "anti-war mom" Cindy Sheehan.

Until next time...

Old Pope, New/Old Pope, Irate Nuns in the News

2005-08-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well! Finally back from ongoing vespers, around the world tour in mourning the loss of Ole Grandad, Papi, Pope J, Papa Jo' gone to the big chapel in the sky. As funerals and weddings bring people together, this was no different. I ran into every walk-of-life sister from around the world, some in habit, some not (oh these modern day nuns!), some in varying shades of blue, black and grey and one forest green nun as if she had visited a paint store on her way to receive her vows! Nuns in yellow from an ashram in Los Angeles, buddhist nuns (always the coolest in my book) - just a virtual nun-o-rama.

It was quite something to see Ole Grandad paraded around the city in his plastic coffin as if right out of a Faulkner story! And when the new man was elected to the throne, as if in a wedding, we were all brought right back together again. I think I had confetti in my eardrum for days and Lord knows, how much pollution we contributed to the earth's atmosphere what with all the black smoke when one cardinal I heard just couldn't make up his mind. Rumor has it the new Pope was picked in a Poker game. The Pope candidates faces were all laid out on the "face" cards and they sat down to a game of "Rome Hold 'Em" that brought the candidate forthwith! Well, one never knows does one? But these were the rumors flying about at breakneck speed on the grounds beneath the Vatican. I did get asked for my opinion now and then by the phalanx of reporters from around the world. Look for me in Italian People Magazine.

Nun Detective Novels

2005-02-21T21:44:00.000-08:00

Detective Nuns - Sister Joan Mysteries -
"A Vow of Silence"
"A Vow of Chastity"
"A Vow of Fidelity".... whatever the case, Sister Joan is on the case!

http://www.bastulli.com/Black/BLACK.htm

And she competes in the marketplace with that other sleuth - Sister Cecile Mysteries

"Saving Death"

"Dead South"

http://www.randomhouse.ca/catalog/author.pperl?authorid=30262

or just go to your local bookstore and look for the nun on the spine in the mystery section.

Cool Nun of the Day

2005-02-21T21:18:00.000-08:00

Nuns Carry Big Guns in 'Chrono Crusade'
http://www.southend.wayne.edu/modules/news/article.php?storyid=981